Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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