I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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