I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
