You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
