so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
