I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
