getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
