I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
