Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
