your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
