Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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