whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
