me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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