I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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