today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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