I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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