got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
