he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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