How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
