you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
