Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
