Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
