How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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