I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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