We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
