Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
