M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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