we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
