Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
