Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
