I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
