hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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