did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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