theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
