either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Farmville is her only friend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
