Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
