Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
