We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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