My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
