Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
