I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
