I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
