shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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