Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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