she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
false alarm, still single
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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