Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
