I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
