How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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