I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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