i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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