I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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