can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
