last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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