I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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