Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
