honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize