Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had sex on a roof
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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