the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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