watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
