I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
