At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
