Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
