i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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