have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
