I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
