brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
