I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
