nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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