i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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