it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
