I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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