so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
