I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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