wrigley field is MILF paradise
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
