apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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