She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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