As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize