you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
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