I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
