fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize