I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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