she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
