Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
